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STORIES
Kibi and the Search for Happiness
As the "mother hen" of the group, Kibi is the one others go to for advice. She may get Boro's help with questions from boys, or Ilika's help when people get too technical for her. In any case, she'll find some kind of answer to any friendly question. If you ask a mean or goofy question, you'll get the kind of answer from Kibi that you deserve: silence.
At this time, questions for Kibi may be sent to this address, which is changed from time to time to avoid spam.
"Whats it like being a character in a story? i feel that way some times." Tess, 16
That's a tough one. I guess if I was REALLY just a character in a story, I wouldn't know it. But since I share a life with the author, the proofreader, and the actor who is my voice in the audiobooks, I have a larger perspective.
Some characters in stories have a very limited existence. People usually call them "flat" or "one-dimensional" or something like that. They're very limited and predictable. That would be like the baker or one of the guards in Book One.
But the character Kibi is as rich and full of life as we (including you, the reader) can imagine her. I have some problems, like claustrophobia, and a tendency to act on my feelings, but I'm working on them. And in Book Six: Star Station, I get the opportunity to really start developing parts of myself that we (living on a "backward little planet") usually don't even know about. It's hard, but I'm sticking with it.
So if you ever feel like you're trapped in a story, or any other kind of trap, just start looking around, and don't be afraid to look in unusual places. There's a path out of your "trap" somewhere, you just have to find it. There are people who will help, too, but they won't be wearing signs that include your name. You'll have to use your intuition and your heart to find them.
"Sooo..if you like Miko before was it wird when he was picked but now you liked ilika???" Pixi, Nebador citizen, 11
That's a great question, Pixi, and it definitely made me blush. Yes, I guess at first it was a little weird. There was definitely some tension between us, especially when Miko first saw that I was falling for Ilika. But he and I had already decided to move on and not let the past effect our friendship. I don't know how Miko felt about Ilika and me, but he seemed happy for us, just as I was happy for Miko and Neti.
"I totaly know what you went thru when you ran away [Book Four, chapters 4 and 5]. Ive done it 3 times now. it is SO hard to go back. My parents look at me like i'm dead, and my goodygoody sister rubs it in for months. Its all about school. But just like you i got hungry. What do I do?" Christa, 13
There's a lot I don't know about you and your situation, Christa, so I can only say a few general things. You're talking about a powerful human emotion called shame. We use it to control each other, and to control ourselves (usually by limiting ourselves). Slaves know all about shame, believe me. One of the biggest things that keeps slaves in slavery is believing it's their fault.
Somehow, you need to find a totally new vision of the person you want to become. You need to do it yourself, because school, parents, and sister all have you labeled, and it will be hard for them to change those labels. What kind of person do you want to be? Keep it simple and doable. If your family is poor, your grades are so-so, and your new vision requires a master's degree from a fancy university, it may not be doable.
BECOME that new person, step by step, decision by decision. Probably ten times a day, you will have to ask yourself, "What would the NEW me do about this?"
Sound easy? It's not. Welcome to the very small club of people trying to pull themselves out of some kind of trap. The club of people who stay in their traps is much larger. I hope you pick the smaller club, and that I meet you along the path someday.
"Why did you think the ship was a dragon?" Mark, 13
At that time, Mark, I had never seen any kind of air ship or space ship. I didn't even think "ship" at all because I wasn't seeing a wooden hull on water, and sails. Manessa was changing shape to get rid of the mud, and the only thing I could think of that could do that was a dragon. I know, dragons don't really change shape, but since the sight before my eyes was so outside my experience, "dragon" was the only thing I could think of that MIGHT be right.
"I know its stupid to ask but please tell me if theres anyway off this stupid world." Wen, 14
I really feel your pain, Wen. I wondered that for so long. Please believe me when I say that there's a way out of every "stupid" situation, but there's no way to predict what it will be. It's different for everyone. All we can do is live the best we can, and prepare ourselves for that day. For me it was a ship. It could be completely different for you: a friend, a job, a journey ... I have no way of knowing. What kind of person do you want to be when your "ship" comes along? That's your task right now. Being in a bad situation is painful. Not being ready when an opportunity comes along is much, much worse. Please keep in touch, Wen.
"I just got a little job. Guess what I'm doing?" Karina, 16, Australia
Serving food? I know I'm right from the rest of your letter. Just like you were asking before, you'll probably be humiliated many times. Welcome to the club! Those times will be valuable lessons in separating what's really important (getting the job done) from nursing a wounded ego. I'm honored to know someone walking the same path I walked in the NEBADOR stories. Ilika has told me more than once that a good commander (which I'm in training to be) has to make decisions WITHOUT his ego, or they will be bad decisions.
"I haven't tried to make any frinds for awhile but I think I bragged a little in class when I won the [writing contest 2nd place] prize. Was that bad?" Terri, Nebador citizen, 12
No, it's not "bad" Terri. In fact it's pretty normal for us human beings. Sure, someday you might feel enough confidence that you won't need to do that, but right now, you're young, and it's okay.
Now that you feel on top of the world, you can look around and see if there's anyone near you who might be creating something -- a story, an artwork, whatever -- who doesn't have the courage to tell others, but might need a kind word from you.
"Don't you feel humiliated being just a stewardess?" Karina, 16, Australia
You made me smile, Karina. After thinking about it, I had to admit to myself that there is something humbling about taking care of the ship and passengers. There is also something about it that makes me proud. Fact is, we can't learn to run until we can walk. Someday I might be able to stand in Ilika's shoes and command a mission. At the end of Book Three, I wasn't ready for that, but I had a chance to prove myself, and get ready. How's that for a "yes and no" answer?
"I listened to my heart and asked a boy but he hooked up with someone else. It hurt but I remembered Mati and the goat man. Now i feel like Rini." Running Cat, Nebador citizen, 14
I honor your courage, RC. Asking another person to hook up with you is a huge thing, and it can't help but make you stronger, no matter what the other person does. Now that you've been in Rini's shoes, maybe that will help you find your own Rini, like you wanted (and avoid boys who aren't like Rini). Thanks for writing again, RC!
"What do you do if Ilika never asks you to be near him, but Toli did? I'm in that shoes." Yukika, Nebador citizen, 18
That depends on what kind of person you are, Yukika. Would your "Toli" make you happy? I think, from your letter, probably not, but you have to decide that. Also, is your "Ilika" important enough to you to make YOU do something about it? Some boys are shy. Remember, Neti had to give Ilika a hint before he found the courage to ask me. If there's no "Neti" handy in your life, you may have to give the hint. I know it goes against your culture, and maybe your personality too. I was in your shoes in Book One. But please believe me: being with the wrong boy is too high a price to pay.
"I know someone like Toli and he WANTS to get over being nerdy so girls will like him and stuff but it never works. What should he do?" Joshua, 14
FOR BOYS ONLY! I bet he wants to be more like Miko, right Joshua? Well, both Miko and Toli have surprises coming in Book Three. But back to your real situation -- just like you say, it never works to try to ignore what you are. It's like beating your head against a wall. But there ARE things you can do to be more lovable. I don't know much about you, Joshua, but here are some questions to get you -- I mean your friend -- thinking:
When he interacts with girls, is he being respectful? Is he taking care of himself with good food, personal hygiene, and all that? Most important, is he chasing the RIGHT girls? If he's drooling after the glamour girls, he won't be the first nerdy boy to make that mistake.
"So what do you do if you have feelings for someone that NO ONE would ever let you be with in a million years?" anonymous
What a difficult question. I really had to think about it. I'm not sure who "no one" is (parents?), but my advice is to find out why people wouldn't like you two being together. That might give you a clue about what to do. If the other person is interested in you too, then maybe something could spark. But you can't change the way other people feel about you, they have their own free will. That's my advice without knowing the situation. If you want to write back with more details, I'd be more then happy to give you a better response.
"Why didn't you like Boro? He's so cute." Pixi, Nebador citizen, 9
FOR GIRLS ONLY! You're right, Pixi, but I saw right away that he had his eye on Sata. And I'm not the type to compete for a boyfriend, or try to turn his attention from someone else. One of the reasons I picked Ilika was that I figured none of the other girls would think of him, at first, beacuse he was a little older. I wanted to win his heart before anyone else even thought of it. If I hadn't, I bet Buna would have tried.
"How do you make a friend when you live in a stupid little town where no body thinks about anything?" Terri, Nebador citizen, 12
It sounds like you want a friend who thinks about things, Terri. So, the first thing to remember is to be true to yourself. You will naturally attract the right kind of friend IF you be yourself, grow toward the person you want to become, and find the strength inside yourself to wait. No one can predict when your friend will appear. But believe me, if you forget who you are and settle for someone who hurts you or drains you of energy, you'll wish you were alone again.
And beware of assumptions. You're not the only person who lives in a "stupid little town" but thinks deep thoughts. Keep your eyes open. Maybe there's another like you hiding there somewhere, perhaps of a different gender or age than you expect, thinking the same thing.
"So what kind of things can I ask you about? Can they be private like?" Belinda, Nebador citizen, 14
Anything you want me to try to answer from the point of view of a girl who started in the "gutter," and is going to the ... well, you'll see. You can ask questions anonymously (just don't sign them, and I'll know you don't want your name attached, even if I recognize your email address). If the question is really private and personal, and not interesting to others, I'll just write back to you.
"Please tell me how to be happy when my life is falling apart. My dad lost his job and we might lose our house. I might be a citizen of nebador ... it's better then a citizen of [my city]." Cobra, 12
When I was a slave, there were many things I didn't like and those things could have made me a very unhappy person for the rest of my life. But I figured out that the only real freedom I had was to think my own thoughts. I chose not to think about the bad things over and over again. I chose to think the best thoughts I could.
For example, if I were you, I would think ... even if Dad loses his job, we will still have enough to eat and clothes to wear. And I would think ... even if we lose our house, my family will still be loving and we will have warmth and shelter elsewhere. Thinking good thoughts just makes you feel better than thinking bad thoughts and, over time, it makes you a happier person. It takes practice.
The really great thing about repeated thought is that it has power. The unseen forces of the universe always try to give you experiences that match up with your thoughts. So ... better thoughts ... better experiences in life. It's true! Love, Kibi.
"Were you jealous when Ilika was with Buna in the other room in the dark in the tunnel?" Sam, 10
Wow, that's definitely a hard question, Sam. I guess a part of me was a little jealous at first. But I was proud to see Ilika lending Buna a helping hand, and the knowledge she needed. Now I trust Ilika to always follow his heart, and stay loyal to where his heart lies. I might have been jealous if he went into the dark room with someone I didn't know, or if he ever gave me reason to doubt. But I trust him to stay loyal, and I also trust Buna to not try and take who has my heart. Thanks for the great question, Sam!
"I'm ok with girls and I've had some girlfriends, but there's a really shy girl I like. What's important to a shy girl?" Sean, Nebador citizen, 13
Gosh, Sean, let me think. I'm not shy, even though I can be very introverted, but I've known some. The first thing I think of is respect. She's got a rhythm of getting to know people, a slow rhythm, and you'll have to respect that, or forget it. Your could start by being friendly and respectful in all situations, and just get to know her by watching and listening, without asking anything or pushing anything. Tell me how that goes, and then we'll talk some more.
"Ok, this is weird. you're just the author, right?" Material Girl, 13
Advice from Kibi is created by the author and several female friends. They are almost as familiar with the story as the author because they are part of his team of critiquers, publishing assistants, and audiobook voice actors. The author, J. Z. Colby, approves all answers, and takes complete responsibility for the content of the Ask Kibi page.
"I thought students weren't allowed to have relationships with teachers." Mark
It's tricky, Mark, because the teaching relationship can get mixed up with the romantic relationship, or they can clash, one pulling your heart one way, the other a different way. But there's a good reason we had to handle it. Ilika wasn't just any normal teacher, his ship wasn't just some ship, and I had lessons to learn that I couldn't even imagine at the time. You'll see all that in later books.
"I liked you in book 2 cuz you wanted to see the desert. I live in it! I love sitting under a meskeet and reading. is that crazy?" Christina, 9, USA
After I found a picture of a mesquite tree, I wished I could join you, Christina, so I'd be just as crazy as you. Everyone needs a special place or two where they can be alone, maybe someday take a friend and read to each other. Thanks for writing, Christina.
"This is too weird. The girl named Running Cat likes Rini too. Does Rini maybe have a Cat soul?" Felix, Nebador citizen, 13
I wouldn't be surprised, Felix. Cats have that same attitude Rini has, sort of untouched by everything, almost aloof. There's a cat in my future, Book Six I think, but I can't say anything about it.
"How did you sleep outside all those places without being afraid? In the woods at night my heart pounds and screams at me to go inside but somthing tells me I'll have to sleep outside someday." Tabitha, Nebador citizen, 11
Having a friend with you really helps. Nine of them is even better! Fear is just fear, but always remember to be honest with yourself about any REAL dangers around. Maybe you can find a camping club and go camping with other people. "Summer camp" isn't the same, as it's usually in cabins.
"Ok, this'll be fun. How do I find my own Rini? Seriously." Running Cat, Nebador citizen, 14
Hmm. I'm better at finding my own Ilika ... but I'll try to help. First, always listen to your heart. But that doesn't mean jump in bed with the first boy you like. I knew I liked Ilika the first day, but it took me half a year to be sure. Next, think about what you want and need in a boy. You will never find exactly Rini. What are the most important things about Rini to you? Once you've got that clear in your mind, write back and we'll talk about the next step.
"WHY did Ilika put up with whining lazy Toli so long???" Jen, Iowa
I know from the rest of your email that you've read Book 2, but you'll learn even more about that in Book 3. Pretty much for the same reason he put up with Mati ... and me. He wasn't looking for perfect people, just people who could keep growing and growing ... you'll see.
"I've set my mind to learning all the lessons in the books, but I HATE math! Any suggestions?" Robert, Scotland
I really understand. The thing that saved me was I could sort of see the numbers in my mind. Not the numbers as written, but the values of them. But maybe you have to set your mind to one more thing - getting over your hate, and saving hate for things that are much worse than math.
"How did Neti find love for Miko after what she went thru? I've been there, and can't figure out how even tho I know a nice boy now." Latitia, Texas
That question's bigger than me, Latitia. I'm pretty sure you need to tell him, find out if he'll willing to walk the long, slow road of healing with you. If he's not, you need to know, so there'll be room in your life for someone who is.
"Why were the questions in the test so easy?" Jason, Utah
For you maybe! How about the story of the girl and the man with a knife? Was that easy? Did you understand the logic mistake Sata made at Doti's house? Did you feel what Buna felt, trapped in the underground room? Boys!
"What are you supposed to do if your parents would rather die than let you do anything hard or, you know, important?" Billijean, South Carolina
Good question. Sounds kind of like my time in slavery. And you know what I had to do? I had to wait. Someday things will change, whatever kind of cage you're in will open, and you can spread your wings. Until then, use your brain and think of things you can do to get ready for that day. Want to learn something they don't have in your school? Find a book about it! Want a good boyfriend? Watch boys and learn to tell the good ones from the bad ones!
"Why was it hard to let go of your rags? I would have been glad to see them go!" Katie, Nevada
I guess ... because that was all I had. I didn't even own a comb! They had the sweat and dirt from almost of year of my life in them. I couldn't take anything else with me from that year but a few memories and dreams. I finally let them go because I knew they stank. I couldn't smell it 'cause I stank too, but I knew.
"Were you gold-digging when you picked Ilika?" Susan, California
No! Okay, maybe a little. I really did like him as soon as I saw him handle that room full of kids. Some were my friends, but some were just, you know, brats like Kodi. I think it's natural for a girl to like a guy who can stand up tall, and make some food appear. Some girls like a weak guy they can play mommy with. Not me.
Previews
Book One:
The Test
Spring 2010
Book Two:
Journey
Summer 2010
Book Three:
Selection
Fall 2010
Book Four:
Flight Training
Spring 2011
Book Five:
Back to the Stars
Fall 2011
Book Six:
Star Station
Summer 2012
Book Seven:
The Local Universe
2013
Book Eight:
Witness
2014
Copyright © 2009-2012
by J. Z. Colby
unless otherwise attributed